


Mr. Spencer Concludes

by ClaireFisher



Series: Words In Between [20]
Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Based on a Maroon 5 Song, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving California, Post-Episode: s04e16 Mr. Yin Presents..., Romance, Shules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29545599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireFisher/pseuds/ClaireFisher
Summary: It’s Jules. It has always been her.Post-Episode 04x16: Mr. Yin Presents...
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Series: Words In Between [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817497
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	Mr. Spencer Concludes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Last extension for season 4! Oh boy! This is moving way too fast! But I'm so grateful for having all your support through this amazing journey of writing Shules.
> 
> This fic was one of the first extensions I planned when I first finished writing down "All Seasons With You". Changes have been made, but I'm happy with the final result. 
> 
> Also, this piece was inspired by Maroon 5's song "Leaving California", which I highly recommend you to listen to, in case you haven't before, because, let's be honest, ADAM LEVINE'S voice <3\. 
> 
> All this said I hope you all enjoy this little piece, and please, leave a comment, suggestion, or anything else you feel like! I love to read your opinions and the feedback is always appreciated <3

_ It’s Jules. We save Juliet.  _

The ride back home was made in dreadful silence. 

Although the struggle to remain quiet was visible on Gus’ part, he was more than aware that nothing coming out of his mouth right now could do any good. 

Shawn was broken, torn down to pieces, and in such deep spiraling, not even he, magic head, the buddy of a lifetime, could begin to reason with his best friend. 

Despite what everyone might think about Shawn, about his shallow comments and easy-going persona, about his immaturity and carefree lifestyle, he was one of those rare people who felt everything wholehearted. His intensity was so breathtaking, so core shaking, that often, Gus wondered if one could die of such deep emotions, fearing his brother-friend would be taken earlier from earth because he felt too much too deeply.

Still, there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say that would bring a resemblance of comfort to Shawn right now. Not today, not after everything that happened. 

Not after Yin. 

So he stayed quiet, making sure to give Shawn the space he needed and sure would have demanded if he wasn’t so engrossed in his own vicious mind. 

_ “Mr. Spencer, I didn’t want to have to make you do this - not right now - but you know it's the protocol, and I-I...” _

_ For the first time in his life, Shawn attested the Chief of Police, Karen Vick, shutter.  _

_ He never thought he would live to experience it, after all, she was always so unbreakable, so collected, never bending at his wishes, never caving at his gibberish. Equal parts of authority and compassion that never failed to cause the faux psychic to admire her even more.  _

_ But there, as Vick stared at his hollow eyes with equal ones, they both didn’t need to say a word to understand that there was no option and, despite how painful it was going to be, to have to relive all that, when the wounds were still bleeding, when the hands were still shaking, it was necessary. _

_ So Shawn just nodded, barely a movement of his head, before he descended the stairs to the interrogation room, in a slow heavy pace, hiding inside the first one he found empty, pen and yellow paper in hands, his mind playing scene by scene, perfect frames, the motion picture of his nightmare, vivid, burning, hardening his mind with petrifying horror, causing Shawn to tremble at his scribbling while fueling his anger enough for him to scatter the entire ordeal out before the wave of fire ebbed in guilt, pain, and emptiness. _

The afternoon sun was shyly peeking through some clouds, with a tinge gloominess as if to confirm that it understood the pain and confusion a few of its benefactors were passing through. Shawn rested his head on the car’s window, eyes roaming, lost. The murky scenery outside was passing through him, but Shawn wasn't focusing on anything, for the first time he could not catalog or capture any nuances on the trees and houses surrounding him.

Instead, his body floated on that numbness of grief, his confusion making it hard to process anything else. 

It was too much. 

_ It’s Jules. We save Juliet. _

Only when Gus parked in front of his apartment, as if that old dry-cleaner could be classified as a proper home, that Shawn finally got out of his stupor and made sense of his location. With a small nod, conveying enough to the guy who was there for the past 25 years, Shawn made his way out of the vehicle and towards his front door, not forgetting about his set plans to meet Gus at Mary’s funeral the next morning. 

For the remainder of the day, minutes stretching in an agonizing eternity, Shawn kept mourning over the last events, what he could have done, what he could have changed, all the mistakes he made, and the fact that his so praised and sharpened gift could do absolutely nothing for him. Flashes of scenes, of people and places swarming his mind viciously, intensifying the pain and anger, forcing Shawn to face his faults. In all that though, one common dominator prevailed. 

Juliet. 

Her sweetness turned into bitter pain, her round blue eyes filled with fear so crude it tore him apart in the most excruciating way possible, each cell of his body destroyed to be reattached in grievous, poor stitches. 

_ Be careful. _

Those eyes that spoke the unsaid words. The care, concern, fear for his life, clearly painted on them, flaming. Iridescent, and pure.

It was his fault, and there was nothing, nor anyone, who could make him believe differently.

_ Shawn, you can still save Abigail. _

Yes, because that was the type of person Juliet was. The one to worry about everyone else when her life was at stake. The one to worry about him, and what he might be feeling, despite her own fear. 

And he failed her.

He wasn’t there.

Sure, he sent the only other person on this planet he trusted to be there for Jules when he couldn’t.

Still, Shawn knew he had failed at protecting her, at keeping her safe.

She was caught in the crossfire of his own battle, and there was no one to blame for it but himself.

He could have been there, or more, he could have caught Yin, could have killed the psycho right there, damned the consequences. But he knew that there was someone else, far more important, whose life was at stake, and Shawn wouldn’t give that monster the pleasure of seeing him fail in saving both girls. 

Exhausted, Shawn made his way inside his apartment, practically collapsing at the entrance, his legs feeling like lead at each step, causing his bed to feel like located a thousand miles from where he stood. 

Slowly, he reached the soft mattress, his body laying above it but the needed rest, not an inch near to come. 

If he slept an hour per night for the next few months, Shawn would consider it a golden gift. 

But he didn't want to sleep, didn't want to close his eyes, because he knew that, once he did, there would be Juliet and her shattered eyes, her and her sobs, her and her shaking hands, raced heart, streaked cheeks, hollow voice. 

The last time he saw her was after they broke their fierce embrace at the clock tower, him letting her go reluctantly, not willing to be far, not okay without knowing where she was, without knowing if she was safe - if she would ever be. But Lassiter was with her, escorting Jules down after she finally consented to the paramedics to clear her out.

Seizing her departure for a small moment, along with the absence of any known friends up there, Shawn dared to look down the building, to position himself the same way Juliet was forced to be, and at each second he stood there, more his stomach churned, more he felt the need to scream and cry at once.

How dare he? How could Yin have done this to Juliet? To  _ his _ Jules?

But his torn heart was being pulled apart in all directions, and while Juliet’s distress was causing him the greatest pain, the memory of the ones he lost along that battle wasn’t easy to deal with or gone. On the contrary, each place he looked, their shadows seemed to be hunting him. 

Mary was gone for only two days, and Shawn could already feel his shadow chasing him mercilessly. Then Abigail’s broken voice, choked, bidding him goodbye, scratching his bleeding heart. Not her departure itself, but the cause of it. 

_ It’s Jules. We save Juliet. _

Shawn closed his eyes momentarily, relying on the few seconds where he tried to empty his mind, to try and see nothing but darkness and silence.

_ “Shawn? I… I didn't expect to see you here so… You know.” _

_ In another moment, Shawn would find amusing how such a gigantic man could be so ingenious and almost delicate, but right now, having Buzz watching him as he was about to break down under his very eyes, Shawn felt nothing but tiredness and irritation. Still, he knew Buzz meant no harm so, for the sake of his naíve friend, who deep down he knew it was deeply affected by the entire case, Shawn opened a small smile. _

_ “Well... Had to write my statement. Chief’s orders. I wouldn’t want to joke around when her chi is all messed up.” _

_ He would go further with his miserable attempt of humor if it wasn’t so forced that even Buzz, the smiling puppy, couldn't smile at it.  _

_ “I… I see.” _

_ An awkward silence hovered between them, causing Shawn to fear what would come next from the officer’s mouth or even if he, much like Gus, would start crying copiously. Shawn begged the last one wouldn't happen because he, for sure, would have no clue on what to do. _

_ But before Buzz could say anything, Shawn noticed the absence of the one person he couldn’t stop thinking about.  _

_ She was supposed to be there, to give her statement too. At least, he thought so.  _

_ At the same time, he didn’t think she was ready yet. _

_ God, he didn’t know if she would ever be.  _

_ Seeming to catch his train of thought, Buzz dropped his shoulders a bit. _

_ “She’s not here, Shawn. She left.” _

_ Shawn simply nodded, nothing else was needed to say. So he marched out of the doors of the SBPD, his statement at the Chief’s desk while he avoided looking at anyone. Except for Carlton, with whom he exchanged a glance and thanked him for being there for Juliet, for saving her life.  _

_ The closest thing they would ever have of an exchange of gratitude.  _

Sitting abruptly in his bed, Shawn realized, for the first time, what Buzz actually had said to him.

Juliet left.

What does it mean?

Did she leave the station? 

Santa Barbara?

Was she going… No. She couldn’t. He couldn’t…

Was she leaving California? For good?

Faster than he could comprehend, Shawn got out of bed, fumbling around his apartment, trying to find his keys. The voice of his father screaming at the back of his mind, telling him how imprudent and completely ridiculous, not to mention dangerous, riding his bike in his state of distress was. 

Shawn ignored it and, not thinking twice, hopped up in his Norton, only then realizing it was already dark. 

It took him no time, and within minutes Shawn found himself staring at that known door, to which he stood outside countless occasions. Sometimes knocking, sometimes just watching it. Once sitting in front of it for God knows how many hours. 

But now he had to brace himself for what was to come if he stepped in.

Perhaps he wasn’t ready, but he wouldn't run away either. 

He knocked, loud, repeatedly, until he heard fast steps, after a few moments, reaching the entrance, the door’s lock clicking twice before it opened, revealing a wrecked, weeping Juliet, whose shaking hadn’t subsided yet, staring at him so unreadable, Shawn lost the ability to function as a normal human being, all his body shutting down in grief and pain for the woman in front of him. 

_ It’s Jules. We save Juliet. _

And the worst part, perhaps, what was eating him up inside, was that he chose.

In the thrill of the moment, in the climax of all ordeal, Shawn  _ chose _ .

It was Jules.

It had always been her.

And when he said it back at the station, Shawn Spencer meant it with his heart.

Because, although he cared deeply about Abigail, although he would give and, indeed, he gave all of himself to save her as well, in his heart, he had chosen someone else a long time ago.

Had chosen that blond woman with tearful blue eyes, who kept staring at him quizzically, broken, unmanned, tearing his heart piece by piece, shattering all the glass walls protecting him from the hurt and pain. 

Standing there, watching her helpless fall apart made him bleed, and Shawn, not sure if he could muster it, not sure if he could bear the pile of emotions engulfing his body, understood that, if it all happened again, which he profoundly wished it never did, his choice would remain the same. 

He was never more glad to be rejected because, deep down, he knew that, his failed attempt at mending things with Abigail and rebuild their failing relationship, which was from the very beginning tainted by unrequested and stored feelings, would be only a try to seal the spilling hole of guilt in his heart, a way for him to mask what he feared admitting until now. 

And even though the truth was freeing, it wasn’t last consuming or less real.

Still, at the sight of those dull blue eyes, which once sparkled so endearing, Shawn couldn’t allow himself to lie anymore.

He had chosen, and if that was the needed conclusion to that case, the ending line of that nightmare, he would have to roll with it.

Because Juliet O’Hara was always his number one, the woman for whom he would fight to hold onto, to put all her shattered pieces back together, do it all, anything, for love.

A love so deeply felt, Shawn feared what he was moved to do in the name of it, what he already had done. 

The eternity encapsulated in the few seconds passed between them lifted both to a level where neither parts of that conversation had to say anything, at least for that moment. But soon Shawn’s unrequited curiosity had to know, just know, if he was reading too far between the lines.

“Jules…”

At the mere sound of her name, her eyes began to sparkle more, newly formed tears pricking at the corner, causing Shawn to suck in a breath before he proceeded, praying that she wouldn’t start crying again. 

“A-are you… leaving?”

Still silent, she simply nodded, closing her eyes as a few tears trailed down her cheeks.

In a bold move, crossing every line drawn between them, breaking the safety barrier put there to prevent mistakes, or whatever Jules wanted to call their mixed signals, Shawn wiped the tears gently with the pad of his thumb, caressing the soft skin under his calloused one, reliving in the sensation of, even if it was momentary, having her so close.

Staring at her eyes, stormy blue like tropical rain, Shawn threw away all his fear of emotional conversations, of conflict and pain, because more scarring than facing his feelings was the possibility of Juliet never returning.

“Jules, don’t go. Don’t leave.”

The guy who never commits, who never stays, who runs away at the first little pain, the first deep conflict was begging her to stay, because right there, Shawn realized he couldn’t stay if she wasn’t there too. Juliet grounded him, settled his untamed heart and if she left, he wouldn’t know how to keep going on. 

Closing her eyes again, she took a shaky breath, this simple act seeming to be draining an exhausting amount of energy to mutter simple words to him.

“I- I have to go Shawn. Just f-for a while. I need to do this.”

He studied her face, the lines bashing her smooth forehead, the weariness exposed in the purple under her eyes.

“Are you going back to Miami?”

It was a stupid question. He already knew the answer. But, for some reason, he had to listen to her saying it. 

“Tonight.”

From his spot at the entrance, Shawn could see the piles of clothes scattered around her neat apartment, a suitcase, which Snowflake was napping peacefully above, packed at the corner, near her living room’s wall.

“Jules, don’t...don’t go.”

It seemed that this was all he could say. All he could beg for. 

Because he couldn't undo what had already happened, couldn't reverse time and erase the pain, no matter how much he wanted to. So he would stay and help Juliet pick up the broken pieces, put them all together. He would try to be her light in the darkness of her fear and, while he bared the guilt of her deception on his shoulders, Shawn would do everything in his power to lift the pain and trauma out of hers.

“I have to, Shawn.”

This time, her voice came more even, her eyes now dry, as her cracked attempt at recomposing started to wake the woman in her who wouldn't allow anyone to see her this broken. 

But Shawn knew it wouldn’t last long.

“Jules… I…”

Raising her hand at him, she cut him short.

“No, Shawn. I’m fine. I-I’m okay.”

But she wasn't. 

And the more Shawn stared at her, those destroyed green orbits facing her, mirroring her pain, the more her phony attitude dissolved, her face shifting from its hardened composure, letting the trauma slip through, and before she could refrain herself, the fragile dam was broken.

“S-Shawn, I… I was kidnaped.”

The realization sunk in all over again. 

Shawn had only time to take one step before Juliet started to fall. Fast he caught her in his arms, holding her with all his life, one arm sneaking her waist, tight, securing her in place, while the other caressed her hair.

For the second time that day, Juliet O’Hara broke into a heartbreaking sob, broke to her lowest form, expelling what seemed all the water in her body. The fabric of Shawn’s shirt wrinkled in her desperate grasp, as she fisted it tightly.

“I know, Jules. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He held her there, wouldn't let go, never. The sun could come crashing down. 

He wouldn’t let go.

Juliet needed him and Shawn would be there. 

He wasn’t there the first time.

He wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

So he held Jules until she was ready, soft kisses in her hair he bet she didn’t acknowledge until she calmed enough. He helped her with her bags and drove her to the airport, assuring her that he would take care of Snowflake for as long as she needed, only leaving the place once he escorted her inside the plane, not minding the airline crew’s protests. 

She promised to come back when she was ready. 

And Shawn believed in her, choosing to ignore the filthy little voice in his heart telling him that she might never return to Santa Barbara. 

But her life was there, the career she chose for herself, all she accomplished with her intelligence and hard work was in California.

Shawn wouldn't let her lose all that.

So there, standing in the middle of that airport, Shawn vowed himself that he wouldn't let Yin keep him from living. But most importantly, he wouldn’t let Yin keep his Jules from living. 

Whatever it takes, he would be there.

Do it all for love. 

_ It’s Jules. _

It has always been her. 

  
  



End file.
